1969 - "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes"

                                                                          "Awwwww they got me!"

                Today’s entry into the Kurtrospective finds the people’s champion making good on his contract with Walt Disney in “The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes”.

                Medfield College needs a computer. Professor Quigley feels it should be a top priority for the school to purchase one but Dean Higgins feels otherwise. Having spent most of the schools budget on live frogs and garbage disposals there’s just not enough left over for such things. Dean Higgins feels what the school really needs is to expunge the school of “deadwood” and place the “not so gifted students” on probation, including Dexter Reily (Kurt Russell) and his friends. Ridding the school of these clowns would finally allow Medfield to compete academically with power university State (what state is never made clear).

                Now the kids aren’t going to let Dean Higgins crush their dreams of having a computer. It just so happens they know the guy getting rid of the computer, mob boss A.J. Arno, who uses the computer to tally all the numbers from his gambling establishments. A.J. Arno is a Medfield supporter and donates twenty grand every year to the school. After meeting with the kids he decides to donate the computer instead of his annual cash contribution, much to the dismay of Dean Higgins.

                As Professor Quigley demonstrates the computer for the class something in the logic activator unit malfunctions causing the computer to crash. Dexter, having nothing better to do, volunteers to drive the seventy miles to retrieve the part. When he gets back to the classroom harsh rains have gotten water all over the floor. Dexter trips up in the wires of the computer and receives a electronic jolt that transfers all the super smarts of the computer into his dumb brain.

                From here Dexter goes on to do a lot of smart stuff, becoming a celebrity in the process. Everyone wants a piece of him including mob boss A.J. Arno who uses Dexter to predict the outcomes of horse races. An evening at one of Arno’s illegal casinos lands Dexter in jail where he realizes that his old college buddies are his only true friends.

                Dexters new fame brought Medfield attention from Universal Encyclopedia, who invites the school to participate in their “College Knowledge” quiz program with a hundred thousand dollar prize. Dexter assembles a team of his three dumbest friends and goes out and destroys the competition.

During the semi finals a glitch in Dexter’s computer brain cause him to list off all the numbers for A.J. Arno’s gambling establishments live on television.  Mr. Arno decides to kidnap Dexter and send him swimming with the fishes before he brings any more heat on his organization. Dexter has great friends though and they pose as painters so they can liberate Dexter and bring him back to the quiz show in time to win.

While Dexter is gaining the win for Medfield, he slowly starts to lose his gift until he fully crashes leaving him the same dumb jerk he was before. It takes an answer from one of his idiot team mates to pull in the win, causing much celebration.  Dexter hangs with his buds just like old times and the movie ends.

"The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes" - Directed by: Robert Butler

1992 - "Unlawful Entry"

                                        "Don't worry. If it's anything serious I'll come back for my driver."

                Michael (Kurt Russell) and Karen (Madeleine Stowe) are spending another evening home in their suburban L.A. abode when Karen hears a noise downstairs and goes to tell Michael about it. Michael, believing his wife to be a drama queen, grabs a golf club, makes wise, and then goes downstairs to investigate. While investigating he notices the sunroof window is opened confirming that his home has indeed been unlawfully entered. He screams for Karen to call the police but local crack head, Ernie Pike, jumps out of the closet and begins to tussle with Michael. Ernie manages to grab both a chef’s knife and Karen’s throat, and backs out into the night throwing Karen into the pool leaving her a frail and broken person for the rest of the movie. 

                Enter Officer Roy and Officer Pete (Ray Liotta). Karen comes downstairs drying off from her night swim and receives the big stare down from Officer Pete, who is immediately smitten with her. The next day when both the security company and the police fail to do a follow up, it’s Officer Pete who makes things happen, setting up the security codes and eating Michael’s famous BBQ. Pete and Michael bro down a bit and Michael confesses how he’d love to rip that crack head’s heart out. Pete consoles Michael by offering him a ride along in the squad car the next day.

               They go cruising and Michael enjoys playing cop for the night. At the end of the shift Pete tells Michael he has a surprise for him. He drives out to some secluded place where crack head Ernie Pike is living. He holds Ernie and offers him up for Michael to make good on his wish. Reality sets in for Michael and he pleads with Pete to let him go. Pete says no way and beats and humiliates Ernie leaving Michael a shaken man much like his wife. When Michael gets home he tells Karen they can no longer communicate with Pete but Karen’s having none of it. She tells Michael he couldn’t understand. It wasn’t him that was pushed into the pool. 

                Michael’s attempts to rid himself of Officer Pete are futile for Pete seems to turn up everywhere they go terrorizing Michael. One intimate evening Pete sets off the house alarms and enters the home interrupting the couple in full on softcore action. This is all Michael can take. He tries filing a complaint and even tries bribing Pete but just ends up with a gun in his face. Throughout these events it's become apparent to all that Pete’s true desire is to have Kate, leaving everyone equally creeped out.

                From here Pete goes off the deep end. He kills his partner after he threatens to report him and sets up a home invasion on Michael’s house after he’d planted drugs there landing Michael in jail.

 Love makes a man do crazy things and Pete is a crazy man in love.

                With Michael in jail Karen is a sitting duck. Pete enters the house in a manner which could also be considered unlawful, and makes a fabulous gourmet dinner of mushrooms and parsley. He tells Karen it’s time they stop pretending and start their new lives together. Freaked out, Karen tries to slip out of the house but discovers the dead body of her best friend in the closet, leaving her helpless and trapped.

                Michael makes bail and races home with his lawyer, running several stop lights prompting the police to chase him down while Karen stalls by putting on a sexy ankle length skirt. Eventually Karen reveals herself to just be a “cock tease” and Pete attempts to force himself on her. Luckily our hero returns home in time to set off all the alarms causing overall panic and chaos. They all begin to fight three stooges style and Pete eventually takes Michael hostage and says he’ll kill him if Karen does not leave with him. Karen responds by smashing Pete in the face with a moon rock sending him tumbling down the stairs.

Is he really dead? Is it safe to creep within inches of his motionless body out the door? Of course not! Pete rises once again and an armed Michael blasts him into oblivion, grabs the cat, and hugs his wife. Roll Credits. Game Over!

 "Unlawful Entry" Directed by: Jonathan Kaplan

Welcome to the Russell Review!

     Hello, and welcome to “The Russell Review” a place that reviews and pays tribute to the films of Kurt Russell.  Over the next year I will be creating a retrospective or, a Kurtrospective if you will, of Kurt Russell Movies.  From “The Thing” to “Executive Decision” to “Overboard” and everything in between, The Russell Review does not discriminate within the filmography of Kurt Russell. Sure every hipster you know loves “Big Trouble In Little China” and “Escape From New York”, but what about “Silkwood” or “Tequila Sunrise” or the many other lesser appreciated works within the Kurtrospective? Should time just forget them and move on? The Russell Review does not think so. So join me this next year as I study the works of Hollywood’s true master of the mullet.

First up, “Unlawful Entry”!